Kayaking Along the Stream of Consciousness
Have you ever stumbled so hard and so frequently that you don't know what to do or where to go anymore? That's what I'm wrestling with these days. I feel lost in my career even though I'm working on my projects every day. Is there room for feelings in programming and software engineering? It has to be unwise for me to be talking about the emotional pain I'm experiencing.
For context, I've been trying to find a new job for over a year now. I've interviewed with a lot of people and been rejected for the most arbitrary and vague reasons. Though in the time I've been stumbling, I've had the time to make a lot of stuff that I think is pretty cool. I've been writing more consistently as well. Perhaps that line from Legend of Korra is ringing true, "when we hit our lowest point, we're open to the greatest change." It's not really that big of a change. The big change might be that I'm using X, the everything app, to connect with more people in the software/tech industry. I'd resisted for the entire life of that app.
There really is no rhyme or reason to the trajectory of this writing. There's nothing on my mind I'm embarrassed about, just this mess. For a while, all I wanted was for the Dodgers to win the World Series. It's what kept me going. Ohtani saying he wants a three-peat means I've got a whole year to stick around.
The power of writing is a little odd, isn't it? I had a lot of big feelings when I started this post. Now I feel okay.